A Voice on Purpose

I need the voice of God, in this moment, to whisper my purpose.  I am prepared to withstand the celestial amplitude of it.  For I know that God's whisper is more bombastic than any sonic boom.  I know that He does not whisper but He proclaims.  I need Him to speak it into existence.  I now feel that the gift God gave me was the inability to sing, knowing that the true pain I've existed in would pour out of me in every note and lyric.  I could not be afforded the opportunity to belt out my woes.  Yet, He gave me a voice.  A voice and heart that turn these scribbling to pain, interpreted .  The tears I've shed in letters, words, and prose have saved me countless times.  He allowed me this one thing that I do so masterfully, so that I could be free, untethered to this physical existence and forever written in the Book of Life.  I have only me to offer You and Your Word tells me that I am enough.  I thank You for Your gifts, Lord.  Thank You for my voice.  Just place me in Your Purpose, Father.   

Bubble Troubles

I think we're all content in our little bubbles within bubbles and no one wants anyone bothering their bubble.  Yet people bother other people's bubble, sometimes unintentionally but often time with unwavering malicious intent.  The latter group are more reckless and more apt to destroy themselves in the process of being destructive.  The former, respect the bubble because they have existed without it at all or without several of its layers of protection.  If career, family, religion and self each were a bubble within a bubble then essentially you are protected by 4 layers but if you exist only in your "self" bubble then there is no multi-layer protection you're basically on your own, Jack!  Well that's how I feel.  I have bubble trouble, do I keep taking these hits in my solitary bubble when the opposing team has the protection or do I double back not necessarily the high road but a road different from this one? 

Had a bad day...

So today went nothing like planned.  If I weren't trying so hard to attain better health, I'd have smashed by now.  I did two shakes, and one snack and now I have to find somebody's gym.  I was feeling great when I drank my second shake.  I felt ok.  I am not okay now.  I've learned to eat my feelings.  It didn't make things better but it has been a source of comfort for SO many years.  I've had several opportunities since 2 pm to f up the next 30 days, but I didn't take them.  I can pat myself on the back for that.  

Anyway, it's been a long day.  I am will be better.  I will be healthier. I will be greater than these pesky trials.  I'm about to make a salad and have some tilapia.  Day 1, done.

Tomorrow WILL change my life

So I'm sitting here editing pics thinking about the serious task I'm undertaking tomorrow.  Feb. 3 begins day 1 of a healthier lifestyle.  I've always been able to lose weight quickly but as I've gotten older that rebound hasn't happened as quickly.  I'm due for a change.  I said I wanted to see my décolletage this year and I will!  If I can spend all this money on fast food junk then surely it wouldn't kill me to spend the same on my health. 

Am I the only one who hates hearing that stupid line, A New Year a New Me?   Who reinvents themselves year to year, anyway?  Con artists are the only ones I could come up with, go figure.  Lasting changes take time, this I know.  So fooey on that BRAND NEW ME crap, I just want a BETTER, HEALTHIER version on the person(s) I/we already am/are.  Lol, this makes perfect sense to people who know me.  I'm not crazy, we just us!  Lmao!  Anyway, tomorrow I start kicking ass and shaping frames! I'm moving towards my future and you all may join me for the ride! 

Love it or leave it, I'm JustAsiSham

I'm going to do better!!

Hello to my two followers!  You guys rock!  I'm going to be more enthusiastic about my posting so look forward to my awesome brand of total randomness.

Goodness

The fantasically awful thing about this world we live in is that we love and give to those that would never do the same for us. There is a serenity in knowing that you give your everything to someone else, freely and completely, but equally awesome is the pain attached to knowing it'll never be returned. People are not fools. They know they have your goodness. They covet it. It is a desirous thing to be loved and adored. Who would volunteer to just give it back? Not one of us, would do that. I had a conversation with someone who had just realized that he won't receive any goodness or anything else of equal or greater value, stunned is the most fitting description. Because I love with such ferocity, I have encountered this feeling all too often. There is no prep for it, you may think so, but you'll be blindsided each time it happens to you. I want for the goodness of others to be returned to them, exponentially! I want those of you who are takers to return to being givers. You were at some point and then a taker took that from you. I wish that the heart wrenching pain associated with loving someone who'll never offer the same, could become a distant memory in the presence of goodness. We cannot always recollect our pearls shrewn before swine, but I pray that perhaps we become sensitive to the stench of pigs before we enter their pens.

Who Am I?

The problem with this question is that it has to have an answer but try as I might, I haven't come to a "definition".  I have been told that I'm negative but I generally see myself as a "realist".  Defining myself for me means deciding whether or not I agree with others' perception of me.  I am patient, kind, self-less and selfish to an extreme.  I am witty and argumentative.  I am superficially concerned about somethings that should impact me greatly.  I am high strung and foreboding.  I am physically intimidating but often display false courage and boldness.  I am responsible yet overly involved in matters not of my concern.  I'm lonely even within the crowd.  I have been known to be moody and withdrawn yet exuberant and outgoing in a sporadic pattern.  I consider myself a passionate person often taking on the causes of others but in the same manner a helpless victim to my own perils.  I give and feel unworthy of any returns.  I have been told that I'm strong but I feel that this is a misleading statement as I seem to mostly endure trials rather than fight through them. I'm loyal to a fault and my conscience convicts me for even the most trivial things.  Even with my digits climbing higher and my ways becoming more firmly set, the answer to Who am I is always gonna change.